When was the last time someone gave you instructions on how to reproduce?
If you answered “never” I’ll bet you’re not dealing with infertility.
If you answered “last Tuesday”, I’ll bet you’ve got a fertility doctor on speed dial…and are familiar with the dual frustration of coping with infertility and the rude comments of others.
By itself, infertility is an emotionally painful disease. But throw in the “well-intentioned” comments of friends and in-laws offering “advice” and that pain and hurt swells up like a water balloon straining to burst.
I made this infographic because I want people to know that the things they say to couples struggling with infertility ad undergoing fertility treatments like IVF — even “helpful tips” — can cause hurt feelings.
Supporting people with infertility is easy: all you have to do is listen and try to empathize.
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Or how about this one… Well, you’ve never had a baby, so you wouldn’t know what it’s like. Someone said that to me just a couple of weeks ago..
I heard three of these in one sentence today.
Or… (while having her baby with her on Skype) “Are you sure you want one of these? He takes up so much of my time!” Aggghhh! No, maybe I haven’t thought it through whilst I’ve been waiting and waiting for what seems like forever, having numerous intrusive examinations, giving enough blood for tests to make a vampire feel stuffed, taking a huge amount of hormone-inducing tablets and injecting myself daily with various hormones to give myself a minimal chance of becoming pregnant!
How about the people who have no interest one way or another who are constantly being bombarded with recommendations on what to say and what not to say? The fact is that you have chosen to subject yourself to invasive medical procedures and your martyr pose is very, very tedious.
Judy, I’m not sure how someone posting something on their own blog which YOU CHOSE TO VISIT AND READ is “bombarding” you with recommendations. For someone who claims to have “no interest” in someone’s infertility, you sure seem to read the blogs and certainly do have an opinion.
Maybe you should save your comments for the actual people in your life who you feel are doing rather than complain about what someone says on a blog that you chose to read. My guess is you don’t dare have the guts to do that so you resort to posting on a blog.
Jude, I don’t think anyone is “choosing” to “subject (ourselves) to invasive medical procedures. . . they are choosing to have a baby and utilizing all of their options. If you think that’s tedious for you….well imagine what it is for them women dealing with it. Start a blog that suits you….bet you wont see any of us on it
Well said, Mike. Judy, you are either blessed with children or have never had the desire to have them because you obviously misunderstood why the above phrases may be hurtful to those of us who are having a hard time getting pregnant. I haven’t chosen anything about being infertile and its nice to know I’m not alone in the world.
The fact is you clicked on and read the link which makes you somewhat interested. And I am all for you having an opinion on the subject as that is part of your right as an American, but for goodness sake, have some tact. Perhaps calling those of us who are unable to have children and post on our blogs about it ‘martyrs’ wasn’t the most appropriate thing to do…Especially when most of the people who are reading your post on this page are your so-called martyrs.
Whats next? Are you going to go bug the women with breast cancer who wear the pink ribbons martyrs and tedious?
I am almost 35. I have 3 other friends that have had infertility problems and have stood by each others sides through many miscarriages, negative pegnancy tests, and fertility procedures. All 3 have had a baby in the last year. I am very happy for them all. But, now that they are mothers I hear the same things out of their mouths that we used to say “how could someone say something like that”. I myself have been through fertility treatments.. and spent a lot of time driving from SWMO to KC every week to KU medical and a LOT of money… just to have nothing to show for it. It is so easy for people to say those things… and not think anything about them because they have children. But, when you have tried to have a baby for almost 15 years and nothing.. everything but a baby hurts. It makes you feel like less of a woman.. or at least for me it does. It makes a person feel very sad.. and there is nothing that can ever take the place of a mother’s love for her child…………….
I’m so sorry to hear about your fertility problems :[ I really wish all of you much luck. I’m starting to worry that I, myself am in the same boat. GOOD LUCK *BABY DUST*